Sun & Mon April 25th & 26th

Sunday
A smoothie of some sort
dates
a piece of cake at a birthday party
3/4 of a strawberry at same birthday party...
Village Inn blintzes with strawberry sauce, bacon, and eggs
I am very sure there was more but I can't remember

Monday
Kefir smoothie with mango, acai berries, peach, banana, egg, honey
quesadillas on corn Ezekiel tortillas
beef and spinach ravioli in spaghetti sauce with shredded zucchini
sauteed baby portobello mushrooms
organic white cheddar popcorn
leftover pancakes and eggs from VI

Analysis
OK, this every other day posting is clearly not good because I can't remember what I ate yesterday! I have been doing halfway decent I think. I know the Village Inn food doesn't seem good, but the blintzes were really very little pancake and mostly cottage cheese. I probably could have found something better to eat for a snack than pancakes just now, not that I should be eating at 11:30 at night, but I was hungry... I am glad to now have a clean kitchen and a clean oven and a full meal plan with food in the fridge to cook. Eating should continue to be better this week...

Fri April 24th & Sat April 25th - What I'm Eating

Friday
Breakfast: smoothie - kefir, mango, raw egg, honey, acai berries, banana
Lunch: missed...
Dinner: baked salmon, steamed broccoli, brown basmati rice
Dessert: a very little bit of all-natural rocky road ice cream (the last of it)

Saturday
Breakfast: leftover ham and pepper quiche, cinnamon toast
Lunch: leftover garlic pork roast
Dinner: greek salad, gyro meat, half a pita
Dessert: cinnamon toast, organic white cheddar cheese popcorn

Anaylsis: Well I clearly have a bit of a cinnamon toast obsession at the moment. I also need to work on getting more veggies, as usual! But I'm doing a bit better than I was a few days ago! I missed lunch yesterday - I was VERY close to going for fast food while running errands, but the "Baby Baby Baby" mantra actually worked! It was still not good to miss a meal, but I suppose better than eating garbage. Heaven knows I have enough reserve to go without for a while, but being so hungry just makes a person lose all self control and binge later...I did manage to avoid that this time around, but it was touch and go there for a minute with the fast food temptation...

Thanks everyone for the support! I am coordinating a booth at a huge festival this weekend, so the last few days have been really crazy. It opened today and went off without a hitch, so that really took a load off my shoulders! Another day of it tomorrow, and that will be that. I have had a lot of really wonderful volunteers helping with it, both staffing the booth and providing childcare. Hubby has a big exam this coming Friday and is using every moment to study...he'll be fired from his current job if he doesn't pass - no pressure.

I had written what's been going on with the potential move, but I am not 100% sure of who all exactly reads this blog, so its better safe than sorry - I'll send you the story individually, those who asked... :)

Weds & Thurs April 22nd & 23rd - What I'm Eating

Today a friend made the remark that since I hadn't been posting on here, she figured it was because I was not eating anything I'd want anyone to know about...or something to that effect...

That is the honest truth - all the rest of the excuses are true too, but they are really excuses. I have been eating so poorly for the most part, that I am humiliated to make a record of it. But that is the point of this blog, isn't it? I do have to thank my sister Hannah, who actually follows through and pesters me when I don't post! Its a bit of a social contract we have going on here - I agree to humiliate myself, and occasionally provide good recipes or other useful information, and you harass me if I avoid it!

OK, so I don't fully remember everything I ate yesterday and today because its been 48 hours of snacking sinfulness. Not to mention, I am sure most of the time I was in a sugar-induced stupor. I'll do my best to remember most of what I consumed, but I can't promise the order. I do promise not to leave out the bad things.

Weds
- 6 pieces of cinnamon toast (the kind with way more sugar than cinnamon), but at least it was on Ezekiel bread, with pasture butter (and no, I didn't eat them all at once - think Breakfast, Lunch, and Snack...)
- 2 more grocery store beef tamales
- orange juice (I really shouldn't drink it because I can actually feel my blood sugar go up)
- 3/4's of a Panchero's chicken quesadilla with black beans - a white flour tortilla of course
- Cold Stone Creamery Coffee Lover's Only ice cream - at least I went for the small size...

Thurs
- kefir smoothie - peaches, banana, raw egg, honey
- potato salad - two helpings
- another salad containing tuna, white beans, cucumbers, bell peppers, tomatoes, and I'm not sure what else
- bread with olive oil and tomato puree spread
- a few pieces of fruit, incl cantaloupe, honeydew, pineapple and grapes
- a piece of carrot cake
- apple crisp with a bit of yogurt (plain)
- an entire bag of Werther's caramel candies
- an entire bag of Riesen chocolate candies
(just to confess some more, I ate a whole bag of Swedish Fish and a whole box of Mike and Ike's the other day on the way home from Iowa City - I think I mentioned it before but that is the full extent of it...)
- whole wheat crust quiche with green peppers, ham and cheese (at least it was homemade - yes, I got my oven cleaned...and the dishes too)
- a few carrot chips and some cheese curds

Analysis:
I know, I'm a sick puppy. I revert to eating candy when driving long distances (I drove to Lincoln and back today) when I'm sleep deprived. I'm sleep deprived because I don't go to bed until 1 or 2 am. I don't sleep well even when I do go to bed because of worrying and feeling guilty, and having colds. I'm sure I always have colds because of a lack of sleep and too much sugar... And I revert to eating lots of sugary stuff when I am stressed out... considering we may be facing an out of state move within a matter of a couple of weeks and we don't know for sure yet, among other things, I've been a little stressed.

OK, so I am starting over, no more excuses. What I need is focus! TMI ALERT: I talked before about thinking about trying for another baby - well, today is the start of a brand new cycle, therefore a brand new chance at that. I'm shifting my focus onto that. I'm going to start taking all my supplements again. And exercising. And going to bed earlier. And above all, swearing off sugar. And white flour. Baby. Baby. Baby. Whoever is out there, I need your support!!! Come pester me on Facebook if I show signs of weakness!!! Or call me - its lonely doing battle with the sugar monster... I want to write "CHARGE!" but I all can muster at the moment is ... here we go again ...

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming...

Sorry I've been a blog delinquent again! I have no real excuses...I've been sick, busy, and out of town again. The guilt has been mounding... I won't bore you with endless details, I'll just jump back into the swing of things.

Tues April 21st

Breakfast: nothing

Lunch: 2 grocery store beef tamales, raspberry green tea

Dinner: Paradise Bakery chicken artichoke panini, Caesar salad, and a chocolate chip cookie

Snack: a few leftover Mike and Ike candies from my drive back from Iowa City yesterday (yes, that means I ate the majority of the box yesterday...better than falling asleep behind the wheel and going into the opposing lane of traffic...)

Analysis: Clearly my good eating has fallen by the wayside. Last week was better because I actually cooked quite a bit. Until I spilled toffee in the bottom of my oven. (I was baking chocolate toffee matzoh in honor of Passover...so its all Michal's fault for giving me the recipe 5 years ago!) I haven't had a chance to run the self-clean cycle yet, but its on the docket for tomorrow. I'm scared...

Here's another thought - maybe I wouldn't be getting sick every 3 weeks if I would just quit eating sugar and go to bed at a decent hour??? What a concept...

Friday April 3rd - What I'm Eating

Breakfast: another smoothie - mango today YUM!

Lunch: leftover rice and beans

Snack: a couple of girl scout cookies (brought home from work by hubby - thanks hubby!)

Dinner: Fish Fry - baked fish with tartar sauce, bread and butter, canned pears and peaches, salad with italian dressing, a few bites of mac and cheese, pineapple coconut cake and lime bar shared with family...

Analysis: not a lot of new things to say today - the fish fry desserts are always too tempting for me to resist. Thank goodness today was the last day of fish fry season...

I realized that I might be more successful if I focus my motivation on something more specific and powerful. When I did this before, as Michal pointed out, I did not have a kid yet - that made it easier to focus, and less stressed, but also that was my motivation! I wanted a baby! Well, the fact of the matter is, I want another baby now, but I have not been very focused on it. In part because I am distracted by the one I have, and also because I guess I am just not feeling too rushed about it at the moment. Still, the little guy is almost 2, but it does take about 10 months to grow another one, and I would rather have them a little closer rather than farther apart. Because of my PCOS, I can't really just leave it to chance - I have to take a very active part in encouraging my body to be fertile, and there are a lot of things I can do! Eating right is the first and most important, though! FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS! NEW BABY!

Thurs April 2nd - What I'm Eating

Breakfast: smoothie with kefir, raw egg, banana, honey, and frozen mango

Lunch: leftover spaghetti sauce with ground beef and zucchini

Snack: orange

Dinner: adzuki bean soup with carrots, smoked ham, and brown rice

Dessert: Neapolitan cheesecake...shared with the little guy

Analysis: the dessert monster won again today... maybe if I would eat more food, like good healthy food, during the day, I wouldn't want to eat sweets after dinner... Its a little crazy, but I do not keep these sweets in the house, so that means I'm actually going out to get them - talk about an addiction! I remember the first time I did this good diet thing, I was eating so much food I was never hungry, and I had to really try to eat all the stuff on my menu for the day. Then I was planning every meal ahead of time, not just dinner, and it really made a difference in terms of the veggies that I was getting, esp. I am not sure I have the time or the drive to go that far right now, but I probably need to!

You know, my chiropractor offers an electro-acupuncture treatment to help people stop smoking - I wonder if it would work for sugar addiction too?

Tues April 1st - What I'm Eating

Breakfast: Ezekiel bread toast with butter, cinnamon and sugar

Lunch: leftover lamb curry

Dinner: pot roast with carrots and celery, mashed potatoes and cauliflower

Analysis: breakfast was not so great with the sugar, but I am out of kefir for today - the next batch should be ready for tomorrow, so it'll be back to my wonderful smoothies. I am generally supposed to avoid white potatoes too, but the mash tonight was probably at least 60-70% cauliflower, which I usually dislike, but it was really really good this way!

Oh dear, yet more reasons to eat organic...

Avoid those genetically modified "foods." I got these tidbits from Midwifery Today's latest e-news issue: http://www.midwiferytoday.com/enews/enews1107.asp#qwr

Think About It

2008 was the first year of commercial planting of genetically modified (GM) sugar beets in the US, with that sugar expected to enter the nation's food supply this year. The Monsanto Roundup Ready sugar beet is genetically engineered to be resistant to Monsanto's herbicide glyphosate (marketed as Roundup). The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) recently agreed to a Monsanto request to increase the allowable levels of glyphosate residue on sugar beet roots by 5000 percent.

A representative of Amalgamated Sugar estimated that 95 percent of the sugar beet crop in Idaho would be of the new GM variety in 2008. Sugar beets account for about half the sugar in processed foods.

Question of the Week

Q: I am writing from Indonesia, the country that got GMO soy first, to share what I am seeing, and to ask if you too are seeing the same. In 2008 Bumi Sehat Bali received 573 babies. We saw an increase in retained placentas. I also am seeing an increase in velamentous cord insertion. In 2008 and so far in 2009 we have seen [far] too many "sticky" placentas; two even had to be transported (we do manual removal on site when absolutely necessary), one for a hysterectomy and one with one liter of blood loss. In the last six weeks of 2008 I had to go after four placentas! It was not pretty, and I do not take it lightly (usually never more than one per year).

Also most shocking is the empirical experience (I have no research to prove it) of an increase of velamentous umbilical cord insertion and short cords. I also am seeing a decrease in Wharton's jelly among all our babies. Cords are also shorter. We don't cut them for a minimum of three hours at Bumi Sehat and many families choose lotus birth. Last week our midwife Ayu had to cut a cord after the birth of the head, as the body would not follow, it was that short a nuchal cord—she had never had to do this before in her life as a midwife.

What are you midwives seeing?

The study I read concerning M16 genetically modified corn showed that when fed to pregnant mice, ALL OF THE OFFSPRING, in one generation, had alterations of ALL the cells in ALL their organs! Can you see why I am worried about our precious placentas? I did not make this connection, until I began to see an increase in abnormalities and pathology due to placenta and cord troubles. The fact that so many Indonesian women depend upon genetically modified soy products (tempeh and tofu) for their day-to-day protein, and the early introduction of GMO soy here got me wondering.

— Ibu Robin Lim
Bali, Indonesia

I've been away too long - Tues March 31st - What I'm Eating

So I was out of town in Chicago last week, also suffering from a death cold, which is finally resolving - I think I'm down to blowing my nose only about a dozen times a day, which is at least a 90% improvement, and my voice sounds *almost* normal. We have only gone through 3 full-sized boxes of tissues in the last ten days...so it couldn't have been that bad!

Also a funny (not really) story about our trip - on the way home, we ran over a coyote, rest its soul. That is, a coyote threw itself in front of our van - it had a death wish, rest its soul! At first we thought it was ok for us, all bad for him, but then we began experiencing complications. Our van ended up with a busted front bumper, a trashed radiator, and heaven only knows what other internal damage. Of course all this was discovered in the middle of nowhere, Iowa, in the middle of the night. After a fun adventure involving two different tow-truck drivers, a random roadside motel, and a rental car, we finally made it home safely a full 24 hours later than planned, and our van is now still in Iowa City being repaired. Meanwhile hubby and I are sharing a car, since the bill on the rental was bad enough for just one day. In actuality, hubby ends up taking the car to work and I stay home all day. Its not so bad since we were gone all last week and I am feeling kind of homebody-ish, but I don't think this arrangement will be healthy for much longer. So that's the story...

OK, without further ado, the food info for today:

Breakfast: smoothie with kefir, frozen peaches, raw egg, half a banana, honey

Lunch: leftover lamb curry (with tomatoes, parsnips, peas, and quinoa)

Snack: most of a golden delicious apple

Dinner: Sizzler salad bar - clam chowder, romaine and spinach salad with beets, garbanzo beans, olives, and blue cheese dressing, far too much cheese toast, and soft serve vanilla ice cream with strawberry-banana sauce

Snack: organic hot chocolate made with raw milk

Analysis - all was going well until dinner... the clam chowder was chock full of potatoes, the toast was white bread, and then there was the ice cream...and the hot chocolate... then again, I had ice cream yesterday too, and cheesecake the day before that. I did not do so well on the diet while we were away - its pretty hard when you are out of town and you just don't feel like making a concerted effort, mostly because you are spending the majority of your energy wiping your snot and just trying to breathe. That being said, the sugar intake is probably one of the main reasons I got sick in the first place. Its true, sugar kills the immune system! Ah, its good to be back online spreading good cheer! :)

In all fairness, I have done a great job cooking this week up until today - on Saturday, I made whole wheat pasta with a ground beef and zucchini sauce, on Sunday I made the lamb curry, yesterday I made orange coconut chicken, and tomorrow I'm going to make either pot roast or adzuki bean soup. Little by little, day by day, I'm just trying to do better. Cooking at home is probably the biggest way to make sure I eat right, and its a lot easier to do when I am actually AT home! After that, I just have to resist the urges to go out and get dessert after dinner...that is my vulnerable time. Maybe I should be washing all those dishes and pots and pans during that time, instead of going out in search of sweets...??? :) But we all know that I have a pathological aversion to washing dishes...I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to it...

Sat March 21st - What I'm Eating

Breakfast: leftover enchilada with sour cream

Lunch: smoothie with kefir, banana, raw egg, agave syrup, mixed berries

Snack: Snap Pea Crisps

Dinner: Bison Stroganoff with whole wheat linguini and steamed asparagus

All day: drinking Garlic Lemonade with honey, and 2 glasses of Emergen-C - I'm sick - waaaahhh!

Analysis: Well, I didn't eat sweets today so I feel pretty good about that. I do not feel good about this cold. I forgot to mention that yesterday I took a walk for an hour and a half. It was great to get out and get some exercise, but I'm pretty sore today! Out of shape!!!

Fri March 20th - What I'm Eating

Breakfast: smoothie - kefir, banana, frozen mixed berries, raw egg, agave syrup, coconut oil

Lunch: apple, orange, carrots, carrot chips - shared with a friend and/or the little guy

Dinner: Fish fry - fish, tartar sauce, french fries, cole slaw, iced tea, half a glass of beer, custard bar, lemon poppyseed cake

After dinner: hot chocolate made with water and cream (I'm out of milk)

Analysis: no protein at lunch, very naughty dinner...apparently I can't resist Lenten food...which is funny because I can never seem to really get into Lent. I am developing a sore throat tonight - after the little guy and hubby have been sick for two weeks and I've been fine, now I'm getting sick just as they're getting better!!! Off to swallow a garlic clove and gargle some Emergen-C before bed!

Thurs March 19th - What I'm Eating

Breakfast: smoothie with kefir, banana, frozen mango, raw egg and raw honey

Lunch: leftover Olive Garden breadsticks

Snack: a couple of cheddar sunflower seed crackers

Dinner: baked chicken breast with spinach, mushrooms, and brown rice, in cream sauce

Dessert: organic hot chocolate made with raw milk

Analysis: lunch was very bad - I had to work a bit this morning and it kind of threw my rhythm for the whole day off... I have been doing a lot of griping and venting, and I feel like I might be starting to get things off my chest and moving back towards a better place...starting... Next week we'll be in Chicago, and I think that will be good for me.

Weds March 18th - What I'm Eating

Breakfast: smoothie with kefir, raw egg, raw honey, frozen cherries - forgot the banana today, definitely not as good without it...

Lunch: half a leftover enchilada with sour cream

Dinner: Olive Garden - salad, breadsticks with oil and vinegar, chicken and shrimp dish with parmesean cream sauce, red bell peppers, and pancetta.

Snack: Olive Garden leftovers

Analysis: Today was a pretty good day, but I shouldn't have had breadsticks at Olive Garden, and I should have asked for whole wheat pasta. The former I chose to eat on purpose, and the latter I forgot until it was too late. If you want to get technical, I should have had some veggies with lunch too, and snacked on something healthy at least once.

I had a good vent with a friend on the phone today, and I guess it just boils down to every time you go to put something in your mouth, you have a decision to make. You know if its right or wrong. You know if you choose right, you might feel sad or deprived now, but you know if you choose wrong, you'll feel guilty and depressed afterwards. When you are in a good mood and feeling strong, its really pretty easy to choose rightly, but if something has already thrown you into a funk, it becomes a vicious cycle: you don't care if its wrong because you want it, because you feel bad, but then you eat it and you continue to feel bad, which makes you care less and make more bad choices. Grrrrrrr. Of course, exercising makes you feel good, but when you feel grouchy, you don't feel like exercising either...

Tues March 17th - What I'm Eating

Breakfast: smoothie with kefir, frozen mango, banana, raw egg, raw honey

Lunch: carrot chips and a string cheese

Dinner: pork and vegetable stir fry with mushrooms, snow peas, orange bell pepper, jicama, scallions, and garlic. brown rice

Dessert: a few bites of oreo cheesecake

Snack: Ezekiel tortilla quesadillas with raw milk cheese

Analysis: I needed a better lunch, for sure! Dinner was great, if a little on the light side, so I've found myself hungry again before bed...

So I've been slacking on posting again over the weekend - sorry! I ate many bad things that I should not have eaten - too evil to repeat. I don't have any good excuses... wait, are there ever any good excuses? One thing this blog has definitely made me realize is how much of an emotional eater I am - I never really identified that way before. I knew I ate when I was bored, but clearly, I also eat, and make very bad food choices, when I am upset. I have been grouchy about hubby's job situation for a few weeks now, with another hiccup occurring late last week and fermenting over the weekend. Apparently grouchy = I just do not care what garbage I eat. Sweets make me feel better in the (very) short term, so I eat them. Then my blood sugar goes up and I feel gross, and then I feel guilty knowing that I have just hastened the onset of Type II Diabetes yet again. Wow - it sounds obvious, but this is actually somewhat of a revelation for me. I obviously need to find better ways of dealing with these emotions. I suppose identifying the real reasons that I feel like eating the bad stuff when I feel that way would be the place to start, and then trying to deal with that directly. I think one reason I have been eating instead of dealing is because there is not that much I can do to resolve the problem... I need to learn to resolve my feelings about the problem, even if I can't actually correct the issue. Easier said than done, huh?

A long time ago, I DVR'd a series from TV called "I Can Make You Thin." I only watched a little of it, but I still have it saved. I think the guy deals with some of these things, so maybe I should actually watch it and try it out.

Fri March 13th - What I'm Eating

Breakfast: donut and cappuccino from the gas station (they didn't have any fruit - or anything healthy, for that matter...)

Lunch: BK Big Fish sandwich

Dinner: fish fry - baked fish w/tartar sauce, lots of green beans, mac and cheese, lemon bar and poppy seed cake (both shared with hubby and the little guy)

Snack: organic goldfish crackers

Analysis: WOW, it must be the curse of Friday the 13th! I was unknowingly running late for work this morning and literally as I set the blender on the base this morning, my phone rang - it was my boss asking me where I was. So into the car we went immediately, instead of fixing my healthy breakfast and take-along lunch. It was all downhill from there. Dear God - I need to start over!

Thurs March 12th - What I'm Eating

Breakfast: leftover quiche and a smoothie with kefir, frozen cherries, banana, raw egg and raw honey

Lunch: Spaghetti Works whole wheat pasta with pomodoro sauce, mushrooms and shrimp. Spinach salad with beets, eggs, olives, and blue cheese dressing. chocolate pudding.

Snack: organic goldfish crackers and raisins

Dinner: leftover chicken noodle soup

Analysis: I splurged on the chocolate pudding at lunch, even though I very much did not deserve a splurge, and now I am paying for it with, well, let's just call it lactose intolerance... I also got too much white flour again today - the crackers are just too yummy, and they're organic! I bring them with us for the little guy to snack on when we're out, but it ends up being one for him, one for me... I probably shouldn't be feeding them to him either, since they're white flour... If its going to be like that, I guess we better be on the hunt for a whole grain cracker that he likes...